Adjustment of Habit - Day 5

Five days of complete sobriety.

Weight: 196.4 lbs

Fat Weight: 45.9 lbs

Muscle Weight: 142.9 lbs

Blood Pressure: 123/78

Heart Rate: 70

Single measurements on any single day are not a real indicator if I've really reversed course. At the end of the 30 days I'll do a trending analysis. I'm taking measurements every day.

It is nice to see the weight changes though, the past two weeks prior to the start of this I was drinking and altering at a heavy rate. And was eating a great many additional calories. One week I had entire boxes of mac and cheese as meals on multiple occasions. As always, the first week or so of a diet you see great losses. This rapid loss is never sustainable.

There are two things that I already knew would happen, as this isn't my first rodeo. Bad sleep, heavy emotions.

Bad sleep: sleep is shit for the first week or so, as substance use for me always occurs after work, in the evenings as I unwind. Which means that shit is in your system as you try to sleep making it easy to just pass out. So I've wrestled with shitty sleep all week.

It has been nice though to wake up and not hear my heart beating in my ears for the past couple of mornings.

Heavy emotions: altering your brain helps shore up that failing barrier you have against the vast rising sea of existential dread. I can hear a certain song or watch a certain scene in show or movie and it will bring emotion to the front of the thought line easily with great weight.

Which just makes it so I need to work on my emotional control that has been handed off to my substance friends to handle for too many days to count.