I think I've come upon a mental cycle tied to my desire to kill my brain. I'm 4 days into not having alcohol and generally taking care of myself. The more present and aware I become the less happy I become. The more I want to destroy my awareness and to become absent. The society I am surrounded by is full of imaginary shit. Thought up by some dead unimaginative shortsighted and selfish animals centuries before my birth. What a fucking joke of a world we've created. What a fu